Satte Pe Satta (1982)

I have a sad small pile of unwatched Bollywood films. Sahib Bibi Aur Ghulam, Chaudhvin Ka Chand, Aradhana, and lastly… Satte Pe Satta. I needed something to watch while I was on the treadmill. I read the back of the Satte Pe Satta DVD and said to myself, “… My god, what was I on when I decided to buy this???”

But I watched it. And I kind of wish I hadn’t.

(IMDB) – After the passing away of their parents, Ravi Anand, the eldest of seven brothers, takes it upon himself to raise them – albeit a little wild and kinda animal-like. The brothers all sport long beards, hate taking showers/baths, and above all hate Ravi bossing them around. When Ravi tries to convince Nurse Sheela to marry his friend, Shekar, he mistakenly lectures the wrong girl, Indu, and as result Ravi falls head over heels in love with her. But Indu is not available to marry any stinky creep, who has not washed himself in weeks, so Ravi shaves, washes, dresses up smart, successfully woos Indu and marries her. After the marriage, Indu is shocked when she gets to meet the rest of his terrifying brothers, all the more when Ravi did not even mention that he had more than one brother.

Apparently it’s loosely based off the 1954 Hollywood musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Loosely though.

I wanted to turn it off three minutes in. But to my surprise, it greatly improved. It was actually kind of sweet there for a bit. Hema Malini and Amitabh together was great.

However… Yes, however…

Before we get with the doom and glum, I must say I had great fun singing along with this number which I didn’t even know was from this film:

Unfortunately, the really sweet and fun bit didn’t last that long. Amitabh’s six brothers fell in love with six girls (there were about 20 characters in this film – I couldn’t remember any of their names!), and they decided, “Hey! We’re going to kidnap them and make them our brides!” Hema and the girls were upset for a bit, but then it was all coool.

I’m a little disappointed that the girl in the wheelchair that the six girls were taking care of never got any of the brothers. All the brothers went for the other chicks who were flaunting their ‘assets’ in their bikinis on the beach playing jump rope. Wheelchair chick just got assassination attempts by her evil uncle (Amjad Khan), and the assassin who looked exactly like Amitabh.

And speaking of assassin!Amitabh – I actually kind of liked him. I just started hating everyone else. Assassin!Amitabh went after wheelchair chick with a knife. She fell out of her chair, scrambled over to the wall and… Oh my god, she stood up and ran over to Hema for safety! Instead of everyone going all, “OMFG WHY ARE YOU THREATENING HER WITH A HUGE KNIFE???” they say, “OMFG, YOU’VE PREFORMED A MIRACLE! WE HAVE A TON OF RESPECT FOR YOU NOW!!!” There was literal ‘*facepalm*x100′ from me.

I did think it was kind of sweet how assassin!Amitabh ended up falling in love with former!wheelchair chick and couldn’t kill her.

OH WAIT, DID I JUST SPOIL IT FOR YOU???

Rating: 2/5

God, I just need to stop watching all these Amitabh masala films. I think I’m developing an allergy or something because I just can’t stand them anymore. Kind of like when I watched three Shammi Kapoor films in a row. I love Shammi dearly, but I can only take so much of the Yahoo! personality at a time.

Maybe I just need to stop watching post-70s Amitabh masala films. Ram Balram, Hum, Satte Pe Satta – I see a pattern…